dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize