What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
