You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize