I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
