oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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