hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
