Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
COCAINE IS GR8
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
