I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
