i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
