Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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