I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize