I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
