"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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