I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
