the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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