Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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