this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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