Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
