she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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