bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
