I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
