My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
