I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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