Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize