Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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