hotel room ftw
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
