and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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