I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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