i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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