I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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