he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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