Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
