It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
