Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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