Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
