Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
