This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
