I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
