just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
