it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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