Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My cat gives me a boner
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
