Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
