hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
