so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
