You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
