I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize