And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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