absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
