i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
