I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
