stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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