Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
