It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
