The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
