Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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