Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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