I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i need some magic done to my vagina
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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