you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
