turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
