Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
