just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
