Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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