I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
