turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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