I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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