It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize