I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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