suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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