If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
