These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
