yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
