plz talk dirty to me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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