Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
