Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
