You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
