New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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