but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She told me I should be a condom model.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
