Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
