I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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