I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
