...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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