you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
