Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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