If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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