I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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