I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Still dying that you shit outside
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
