She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
