I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
