Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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