Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
