peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize