my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
