from now on my penis is your penis
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
