I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
