her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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