I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize