My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The air taste purple.
Randomize
