I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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